Category: Kitty Only

I should have seen it coming.  From the moment I woke up and peeked through my horizontal blinds and saw light rain pitter pattering on the pavement, I should have anticipated it was going to be anything but a leisurely morning of preparing myself for a Krome Kitty ride.  No, the morning of Sunday, May 18^th, was a complete whirlwind of checking radar on phone; answering emails on phone; answering texts on phone; continuing to peek outside; actually going outside to check temperature and status of light rain; putting on make-up; answering more texts; doing my hair; wishing I had better hair; being grateful for no more light rain; being wracked with indecision; and then finally, with the help of Dana Branam, shitting or getting off the pot and finally calling a rain delay.  The day may have started chaotic, but from then, it only got better.

Sadly, because of the late start, we had to scrap the Big Loop trip which mimicked the original Beaumont trip in 2004 when five Kitties, myself, Lori (Resnik) Gibbs, Donna Hudson, Monika Barshney and Regina Scuffam went on the second ever Krome Kitty ride.  That meant we didn’t get the photo opportunity at Fall River that I wanted to repeat, but maybe it was just as well.  After all, Kitties don’t like getting wet, am I right?  What we did get to do was give two young lads at the departure location something to talk about for the rest of the day as they got to climb on our bikes; honk the horns; start our bikes and do something that I doubt many of us have ever done…sit in a motorcycle sidecar!  That’s right – Guest Rider Irene came rolling up with a sweet little sidecar attached to her bike.  Now that’s a sight you don’t see very often!  I like to think we inspired these two little guys to someday ride their own motorcycles and will remember for a long time to come the 14 lady bikers who they didn’t expect to meet while getting gas with their Grandpa that beautiful Sunday morning.

After Linda Moreland and I pimped raffle tickets and we all welcomed newest member, Linda (Lily) Nordyke, and our two guest riders, Irene and Penny, we decided our bellies had gone long enough without food and decided to do something about it!  Beaumont, here we come!

Kari Miller led the convoy of bikers while unknowingly, we were filmed by her Tom Kat, Daryl, as we rode through Andover.  Dang!  Another pageant wave opportunity missed!  The ride was perfect…not too hot, not too cold and more importantly, NOT TOO WINDY!  Who among us hasn’t had enough of the wind this spring??  In no time at all, we were parking our bikes in front of the historic Beaumont Hotel.  Some were parking more smoothly than others.  Me…not so much.  With my short legs; no upper body strength and puppy dog eyes, Maureen Humbolt came to my rescue and gave me a push back.

We all filed into the restaurant and eyeballed the buffet as we walked by.  Some ordered the buffet, some ordered burgers and in the end, everyone wished they would have split a meal.  Holy amazeballs!  The portions were huge!  Not so huge, mind you, that we didn’t leave room for dessert, but let me just repeat for the record…the portions were huge!  One brownie a-la-mode could have easily fed an entire family.  Somehow, we all managed to suffer through it and Kitty licked our plates clean.

And now for the moment we all had been waiting for…the drawing of the winning 50/50 ticket!  I counted out the cold hard cash and HOLY ILLEGAL GAMBLING!!  We had collected an impressive $75.00!  Lily Nordyke had the honors of pulling the ticket and the winner was…drumroll please…DANA BRANAM!  Congratulations, Dana, on taking my $38.00 home with you!!  Lily, don’t worry, I’m sure I will be over my bitterness for you drawing the wrong ticket…which was any ticket that didn’t have a matching one on my side pouch.

I was surprised at how many Kitties hadn’t been to Beaumont before and was then later regretful that I didn’t do what I did on the trip in 2004 with the four other Kitties sitting around the table.  You see, back then I believed that we should make every ride a learning opportunity so during lunch, I would share a little history about the location in which we were eating or visiting.  Sure, I was made fun of, pointed at and snickered at, but hey, didn’t they also poke fun at the Wright Brothers, or Einstein, or Alexander Graham Bell??  So, I fought through the ridicule and forced a little education on my fellow Kitty Sisters.  I recall that after lunch on the 2014 ride, I threw out a small morsel of history by saying that this here water tower is the only all wooden water tower left in the country…yes, I said…in-the-country…right here in little ole Beaumont, Kansas.  I am pleased to report that the new and improved Kitties are a much more polite group of Kitty Kats.  Not one person said, “Enough with the history crap, Janice!”

After lunch, we grabbed a couple of beer swigging good ole boys to take our picture in front of an airplane and the historic water tower.  You might be wondering why there’s an airplane on the property of the Beaumont Hotel.  Well, I’m glad you asked.  You see, another very unique fact about Beaumont is it’s not only a favorite destination for bikers, but it’s also a favorite pit stop for aviators.  There is a landing strip right there in little ole Beaumont, Kansas and pilots can fly their planes right up to the front door.  OK, now I’m certain I just heard someone say, “Enough with the history crap, Janice!”  Message received loud and clear!

All too soon, it was time to bike back up and head back to the east.  We were all riding along in perfect formation when all of a sudden, I noticed in my rearview mirror someone in a black Suburban doing a hop, skip and a jump in between our riders.  This guy was a complete moron and this moron wasn’t done.  No siree, here he came for another attempt to run a Kitty over and just barely squeezed in between Dawn Morse and Linda Moreland.  OK, now calling him a moron is being too kind.  He was a complete and utter clueless idiot!  As I was shaking my head and yelling expletives at an idiot who couldn’t possibly hear me, it reminded of the road incident we had on this same Beaumont trip in 2004.

There we were, the five us riding along, enjoying the beautiful weather and feeling slightly more confident in riding our bikes than we did on the trip to Abilene, when out of nowhere a pick-em-truck appeared before us.  Well, Old McDonald was apparently making a trip to the landfill and was hauling a huge load of crap in his truck…none of which was tied down in any manner whatsoever.  As things were a bouncing and a shifting in his ole beater of a truck, a blue plastic swimming pool came floating up, up up and then down, down, down directly in our path!  By some miracle, or maybe it was because we were all such skilled and masterful riders…no, scratch that, it was a miracle…we managed to miss riding into the pool, or each other or Old McDonald.  The driver pulled over to collect his baby pool out of the middle of the road and as we each rode by, I’m pretty sure the gesture we made was with one finger and one finger only.

Those on board for the Boys, Burgers and Beaumont trip were Janice Friedman, Dawn Morse, Dana Branam, Melaina Phares, Maureen Humbolt, Linda Moreland, Lily Nordyke, Bobbie Cole, Kari Miller, Suz Tiede, Denise Johnson, Laura Kidder and Guest Ri

Four Kitties – myself, Debbie Belknap, Lori (Resnik) Gibbs and Donna Hudson made up the total membership of that first KKMC ride.  We were full of nervous excitement when we met at the Newton Resnik Motors parking lot back in 2004.  It hadn’t yet occurred to us that it would be much more efficient to meet at a gas station so we could fill our tanks with gas and our stomachs with coffee rather than make a stop for gas on the way to the destination location.   Lori and I were both brand new riders, with Donna and Debbie being more experienced bikers.  There was no such thing as a Kitty shirt or a Kitty Kap or a Kitty bandana or a Kitty necklace or really Kitty anything.  All we had was an idea, motorcycles, the love for riding and the ABCs to guide us on our trips.

Fast forward to 2014 and instead of four riders heading to Abilene, there were 17.  We hugged our hellos after the long winter break and welcomed our two newest Kitties, Maureen Humbolt and Paula Franklin.  What must have looked like some serious drug deal going down to outside observers, was really Linda Moreland and I pimping carnival tickets for the first ever 50/50 raffle (which by the way, was a BRILLIANT idea!)  After filling my baggie full of cash and tickets, calling roll call and getting some safety advice from Dana Branam for the windy conditions, we split into two groups and off we went.

The trip to Abilene was heavenly.  The wind was at our backs and everyone had a pleasurable opportunity to shake off the cobwebs after the long winter.  However, we were soon jolted out of our dream-like state when we had to make a sort trek to the east and felt the full blast of that south wind Dana had warned us about.  As I looked in the rearview mirror, it appeared that the world had been tilted to the north as every Kitty behind me was riding sideways.  Thankfully, we were soon back on a northern road and the rest of the trip to Abilene was uneventful – unlike the one in 2004.  You see, something I hadn’t yet learned was that one should perhaps pay attention to how many miles it had been since one had last filled up.  With an empty tank, I came to an embarrassing, sputtering stop.  But at least it wasn’t windy that day!  (That’s me trying to find the silver lining to my rookie blunder.)  After some help from the aforementioned experienced bikers, we were back on the way.

Damn good food!  That’s really the only way you can describe the food at the Brookville Hotel.  Sure, your options are chicken and well….chicken, but it’s fried up just like Granny used to do it and served family style (that’s another way of saying you can eat…and eat…and eat and when you can eat no more, you wrap it up in foil and stuff it in your saddlebags so in three days when you MIGHT be hungry again, you can eat…and eat…and eat again.)  And don’t even get me started on the taters.  These aren’t the Maureen Stout kind that is poured out of a box, mixed and stirred.  No ma’am, these were good old-fashioned, honest to goodness, Thanksgiving-style mashed potatoes!

As we all were gorging on the fabulous food and coining the term “Two Mos not Hos” in honor of Maureen Humbolt and Maureen Stout, me and my greasy fingers counted out the 50/50 money from my zip lock baggie and HOLY FUR BALLS! – we had collected $82.00!  That meant that one lucky Kitty was going home $41.00 richer than she was when she left her house that morning.  Finally, after lapping up the last drop of vanilla ice cream like any well-mannered Kitty would do, the moment had come.  In unison, everyone pulled out their cheater glasses so our middle-aged eyes could read what they knew would be the winning number.  Sue Morrissey had the honors of putting her own greasy little fingers in the baggie and pulled out…drumroll please…COLLEEN WILLIAMS!  Congratulations to Colleen for being the first ever 50/50 winner!

As we all lined up to pay our tab, another flashback from 2004 came roaring back.  Arriving at the Brookville Hotel on that milestone day, I was completely flustered from the gas incident; nearly dropping my bike at a gas station when we arrived in town (note to self:  one must have one’s bike in neutral and not first gear when starting one’s bike); and having ridden 90 whole miles – all at once – on the same day – without my customary escort of my husband.  So, as I approached that same counter to pay, I shouldn’t have been surprised to see my credit card wasn’t in whatever it was I carried such things back then.  Thinking I must have dropped it along the way, I retraced my steps all the way back to the bike.  To my horror, there was not only my credit card laying on my bike seat, but also my bike keys!  What I essentially had done was put a sign on my Sportster that read, “Please help yourself to my bike and for your convenience, I’m also leaving my credit card so you can fill it with gas and go ahead and buy whatever else you would like, too.”  I don’t think I even told the other girls what I had done as I was too embarrassed to admit that I was too stupid to be allowed to leave the house alone.

After being told by another patron of the Brookville Hotel that we were to leave the young boys alone and after I responded to said patron that we would do no such thing, we snapped our group photos and said our good-byes to six of the Kitties who had websites to launch, grandkids to babysit and various other reasons to get back to Wichita early.  The other 11 Kitties rode on to the Seelye Mansion for a little history lesson.  I’m almost certain I detected a look of fear in the eyes of the Mennonite family from Canada when they saw these 11 mean and tough Hell Kats join them on the tour.  I’m almost certain I actually saw them smile at us by the end of the tour when they realized we were nothing but sweet and purdy Pussy Kats.  The highlight of the tour came when we were all given the opportunity to go bowling – early twentieth century style.  The lowlight of the trip was when I realized that I am no better at bowling without finger holes than with.  We also learned that some people might go slightly overboard in their collections.  One has to wonder how long it takes to collect over 700 nutcrackers and then one has to ask…why?

After an incredibly interesting tour of what life was like for the rich and famous in 1905, and pulling Laura Kidder away from inspecting each and every closet in each and every room, we said our good-byes and went outside to recreate a memory on the garden bridge.  I can’t remember who we convinced to take our picture in 2004, but in 2014, we had a cutie patootie, tattooed yard boy who said hell yeah! when we asked him to please, pretty please – take our picture?  After our photo shoot and with raindrops falling on our bandana-ed heads, we decided it was time to hit the road and that, my dear Kitty Sisters, is when the fun came to an end.  As we were riding 65 mph, the wind was pushing us back at 40 mph.  As we tried to stay in our 1/3 of the lane, the wind was trying to show us the other two thirds.  And as tough as it was to fight that relentless wind, it made me giggle when I reflected back at our return trip on that original Abilene ride when we had to stop in Durham because, really, who can expect one to ride 90 miles without a break?

What the wind didn’t do was ruin the spirit of the 17 Kitties who came out to play on April 26th.  While much has changed over the last ten years, our passion for adventure and fun is not one of them.  “B” for Beaumont will be our destination in May, just like we did in 2004.  By then we had added a couple more Kitties; we had become official with a logo and were working on t-shirts to put it on; I had learned how to tie a bandana around my gawd awful hair; and I had come to the realization that it was best to keep your valuables on your person.

Kitties on board for the Rinse and Repeat trip was Janice Friedman, Dawn Morse, Kari Miller, Maureen Humbolt, Christine Allsman, Dana Branam, Linda Moreland, Colleen Williams, Maureen Stout, Nellie Taylor, Paula Franklin, Teresa lacy, Bobbie Cole, Christina Brown, Sandy White, Laura Kidder and Sue Morrissey.

 

It started off like any other ride-day morning.  I checked emails, texts and voicemails for last minute cancellations; looked outside…stepped outside to see what the weather was like; picked out which of the dozen Kitty shirts I was going to wear; had the normal “do I wear chaps/do I not wear chaps” Fall ride debate with myself; wrapped a bandana around my gawd awful hair; snapped on my nametag; threw on my coat and headed to the garage.  And here’s where my routine went all to hell.

When I flipped the switch to make the bike go vroom vroom, all it did was a whole lot of nothing.  Houston, we’ve got a problem.  This bike ain’t going nowhere anytime soon.  Resigned to the fact that I was stuck at home, I jumped in my car to tell the other Kitties my bike let me down and oh yeah, who wants to lead the group to Anthony?  Anyone??  Someone???  Please????  Sandy White raised her hand (or maybe she was just scratching her nose) but regardless, she got the job and I started throwing instructions at her before she could interrupt with “Janice, seriously, I wasn’t volunteering.  I just had a booger in my nose.”

As we were standing around sipping coffee, Bobbie Cole pulled into the QuikTrip and was immediately given the intel on No Wheels Janice.  In the true spirit of No Kitty Left Behind, “Bike Rentals by Bobbie” made the very generous offer of using one of her not one, not two, but THREE bikes!  My first gut reaction was “Oh no, I couldn’t – I’ve never ridden someone else’s bike before”, but then I imagined the beautiful day being spent at home washing windows and I couldn’t get “Yes Please” out of my mouth quick enough.  There was the matter of getting the second bike to the QuikTrip and me getting my coat and helmet which was still at home, but in no time, we were all assembled once again and ready to roll…well, after a quick tutorial on what the heck all those buttons were on Janice’s Bike for the Day.  After a couple of intersections worth of stops and starts, I got the feel of the bike and by the time we hit K42, I had bonded with Janice’s bike for the Day and we became great companions for the remainder of the trip.

The weather was spectacular as Sandy led us down the path that ironically, was the exact same route we travelled on the first ride of the season way back in April when we went to Waynoka, OK.  About halfway through our journey, I saw what appeared to be a huge fur ball flying across the highway.  Now I’ve heard of tumbleweeds rolling across the prairie, but I ain’t never seen one made of fur!  Turns out, Libby Beckman lost the tail that was attached to her bike’s back fender.  Oh thank goodness!  I was scared to death that some poor little critter was scurrying around tailless today.

As we approached the last intersection of the trip, Sandy looked back at me and asked which way – left or right?  OK Janice, you’ve got a 50/50 shot of getting this right.  One way takes us to Anthony – the other takes us to God knows where.  As luck would have it, I picked the wrong “50” and steered us right toward Kiowa.  Hey, we could all use a little practice making those U-turns, am I right?  Everyone was a great sport about it and oddly enough, Sandy didn’t ask me again for directions…ever…not once.

We all enjoyed a great lunch at Kristy’s Café with lots of Kitties trying the infamous Baked Potato Pizza.  Sure enough, it tasted just like a baked potato with all the fixins!  Everyone got caught up and learned who was expecting a grandbaby in the next several months (which was like almost everyone at the table!) and I got on my “Save the Pink Bathroom” soapbox and gave Linda Moreland a severe tongue-lashing for even thinking about tearing out an all original, pristine pink bathroom (yes Kitties, you should always consult with me before making any decorating decisions in your own home…that you pay for…and live in.)

After getting directions to the 9/11 Memorial, we all biked up, fired up and were ready to head out.  That’s when I saw the wave.  You know the one.  The one that says, “Shut your bike off.  We’re not going anywhere.”  It was like déjà vu.  Bikers hits switch.  Biker hears nothing.  Biker curses.  Said Biker was Denise Johnson and she had one dead, and I mean really, really, dead battery.

Like Jeff Gordon’s pit crew, Bobbie Cole and Sue Morrissey started pulling out tools and hooking up chargers, while at the same time, Denise decided this might be a good time to take a peek at the ole Owner’s Manual.  My assignment?  To flag down the first likely candidate(s) who might be able to assist in this situation.  In no time at all, we had a half-dozen very big, vey burley bikers with hearts the size of Texas, ready to lend a tattooed hand.  After several attempts at push starting, it was decided that the only thing that was going to fix this problem was a jump start from car.  A bike charge just wasn’t going to get the job done!  As luck would have it, Susan Barber ran into someone she knew when we first arrived in Anthony so she chased him down and he gladly offered the use of his car; however, like so many of us unprepared motorists, he didn’t have jumper cables.  Drats!  Several more Kitties mobilized and found a store clerk who had what we needed and after longer than I thought it would take to jump a bike, the engine finally turned over, prompting screams of delight from the cheering section.  Our new biker buddies hopped back on their bikes and yelled back at me. “Y’all are always welcome to come to our bar and hang out with us!”  Probably a good thing for all of us that I didn’t quite catch the name of that bar.

It was a unanimous decision that the 9/11 Memorial would have to wait for another day and we pointed our bikes north for the 60-mile journey back to Wichita.  As I as riding Janice’s Bike for the Day, my thoughts wondered to the many instances that the Kitties came to the aid of another Kitty Sister over this past season.  It really is an “All for One and One for All” sisterhood.  I personally have had two examples this year – the flat tire escapade and then the disabled bike of that morning.  Both times my Kitty Sisters stood by me and made sure I was taken care of.  I’m so very proud of the women who make the Krome Kitties who they are.  Whether they be on their bikes or off, more caring women would be hard to find.

October 14^th marked the official end of the Krome Kitty Motorcycle Club’s 9^th season.  It’s been a great year of riding and on behalf of the entire Cub, HUGE KITTY KISSES to Kathryn Langrehr and Christine Allsman for giving us variety, education and fun on each and every trip.  You guys rock!

Those on board for the for One for All and All for One trip were Janice Friedman, Libby Beckman, Linda Moreland, Denise Johnson, Sandy White, Sue Morrissey, Bobbie Cole, Sueanne Rugh, Vicki Rogge and Susan Barber.

The monsoon season ended just in time for the Kitties to bike up for the 159-mile round trip to Lyons for a tour of the Kansas Ethanol Plan and lunch at Fat Boyz in Little River.  Thirteen Kitties and guest rider, Susan (Suz) Tiede, descended upon the Kwik Shop meeting location to exchange hugs, make introductions with Suz, and most importantly, ooh and ahh over Denise Johnson’s new ride.  Teresa Lacy won the award for traveling the longest distance to start the ride, having ridden 57 miles all before 8:30 a.m.  Teresa, I regret to inform you that said award does not come with a cash or merchandise prize – just the pure simple joy of bragging rights.  After Christine Allsman’s husband, Dorrin, provided some reverse action for her, we fired up our rides and hit the road.  Next stop – Lyons, Kansas.

Kathryn Langrehr led the Kitties without incident and we all settled in for a beautiful August morning ride.  Two things struck me as odd that morning.  1) Never in the history of Kansas has the scenery been so green in August.  The aforementioned monsoon season brought life back to the tortured fields courtesy of the drought of 2011 and 2012.  2) Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would see zebras grazing in the lush fields. That’s right, I said ZEBRAS!  As we were cruising along Highway 96, I glanced to my right and saw what I was sure were zebras.  After doing a doubletake, I confirmed that yes, I wasn’t seeing stripes, these were honest to goodness genuine zebras.  I suppose it makes sense as Kansas summers can often feel like the Serengeti!

In no time at all, we were pulling into the Kansas Ethanol Plant and nearly filled the parking lot with motorcycles.  After commenting on the fact that it smelled more like a bakery baking bread than a factory making gas, we met our tour guide, Bruce Bentley, his wife, Sarah, and their four-month-old daughter, Logan.  We all then experienced an Aha moment when the mystery was revealed of how it was we had the privilege of being allowed in the plant on a Saturday.  Sarah is Kathryn Langrehr’s daughter, which makes Bruce her son-in-law.  Bruce is the chemical engineer at the plant – which also makes Bruce a Brainiac!

We all took a much needed potty break and witnessed Sandy White use the excuse that there was a mosquito on Nellie Taylor’s boob so she could swat said boob.  Sandy, you’re such a naughty Kitty!  We were then led into training room where Bruce asked us to put on hard hats and safety glasses.  Ask??  Hell, Bruce, we insist!  The first thing I thought of was PHOTO OP!!  Bruce schooled us on the process for making ethanol (in layman’s terms, of course) and the Kitties asked a slew of really great questions and in the end, we all came away pretty darn fascinated that grain, corn and water, basically the ingredients for moonshine, could make fuel for cars.  By the way, in case you get any ideas, Bruce was quick to add that a poison additive was part of the recipe to keep people like Maureen Stout from taking a swig from the sample jar of ethanol.  We also learned that there is very little waste after the distillation process, because what’s left of the grain and corn is made into cattle feed and sold to ranchers.  Teresa Lacy, ever the helpful Kitty, suggested they tap into the bison market to increase their customer base.  See we are NOT just a bunch of biker bitches and Bruce, you aren’t the only Brainiac here.  Kansas Ethanol, you’re welcome!

After the classroom training was over, we started the tour.  First stop was the facility that produces the cattle feed (and quite possibly bison feed) and packages it for sale to cattle ranchers (and quite possibly to bison ranchers – is there such a thing?)  The pleasant smell of baked bread evaporated into more of an unpleasant cattle feed lot smell.  Bruce, this is fascinating and all, but how about we get back to the baking bread smell, shall we?

We then began the tour of the distillery process, which was quite remarkable and too complicated for this simpleminded reporter to regurgitate.  But, I do remember a few things:

• Where the heck are all the people? Bruce had already told us that it was a 24-7 operation (or 31 as Kathryn put it…which I didn’t get…because I’m simple minded) so I expected to see dozens of men and women scurrying around making moonshine…uh, I mean ethanol.  Not one sole was visible.  Bruce explained that’s because the facility, only being six years old, was completely automated.  They have four people who work each shift – one to work all the computers and three to do the spot testing to make sure quality control meets their standards.
• The lab is air conditioned. I can tell you one thing…if I were one of those three people who does the spot checking, I would be taking my own sweet time doing it.
• The computer operators get to see some pretty cool stuff. There are cameras everywhere on the property, inside and out, and in the course of their job, they’ve seen, and shared with us, pictures of ducks, lots and lots of ducks, in the pond in front of the facility; foxes coming and going from their foxhole; and a lot of pretty Kitties walking around in cool hard hats.

After the tour was over, 14 Kitties who were now just a tad bit sweatier than when we started, said our good-byes and thank-yous and biked up for the short 12-mile trip to Little River for some kitty chow.  We were hungry and we were thirsty!  If you haven’t eaten at Fay Boyz in Little River, I highly recommend it.  Good food and very friendly staff.  We filled up on burgers, salads and sandwiches; re-hydrated ourselves; learned that Kathryn Langrehr had a hot date that night to see a band she had never heard of at the Casino (the band was Journey which caused us to all sit gape-mouthed upon hearing that she had never heard of them): saw pictures of Nellie Taylor’s new dog Allie Mae; caught up on general life info with each other; wondered what the four Kitties did to get relegated to the Time Out table (Christine Allsman, Maureen Stout, Tena Stoppel and guest rider Suz); peed and paid; and headed back out to the now more typical Kansas August heat for the ride home, which again was without incident.  And might I just say that after the debacle of the June ride, that was a welcomed relief!

A special thank you to Kathryn Langrehr for pulling her family connection and providing us with such an enjoyable and educational day and of course, to Bruce Bentley, for taking the better part of his Saturday and hosting the Krome Kitties at the Kansas Ethanol Plant.  Kitty kisses to you both!

Those on board for the A Hard Hat Kind of Day trip were Janice Friedman, Nellie Taylor, Libby Beckman, Christine Allsman, Jean Taylor, Linda Moreland, Sandy Barber, Kathryn Langrehr, Teresa Lacy, Maureen Stout, Tena Stoppel, Sandy White, Denise Johnson and guest rider, Suz Tiede.

 

Up until a few days before the June 22^nd road trip, we had 18 Kitties signed up to go.  The night before, as I was packing up Kitty shirts in my T-Bag, I started getting text after text from ladies who needed to cancel for one reason or another.  Wait a minute?  What’s this one all about?  “I won’t be able to make it tomorrow due to the wind.”  I had a little conversation in my head along the lines of…”Wind?  Is it supposed to be windy tomorrow?  Huh, I hadn’t heard.”

“Windy.”  There has to be a better word for what it was like on that Saturday afternoon riding through southwest Kansas.  Blustery, squall, gale force, tornado, microburst, hurricane – yeah, those are all better words.  Still don’t believe me when I say it was brutal?  How ‘bout if I told you I saw the stars and stripes blow right off Christine Allsman’s bike mounted flag?  Believe me now?

Eleven Kitties gathered at the QuikTrip that morning, blissfully unaware of what was in store for us.  I peddled shirts out of my T-Bag; Nellie Taylor told us of her encounter with a bee in her shirt on the way to meet us; we drank coffee; I bitched about how QT was out of teabags; we had our safety briefing and off we went.

We rode and blew for miles and miles when all of a sudden, we saw the sign “12 Miles to the State Line.”  My first thought was “what State?”  My second thought was “It doesn’t matter what state, we weren’t supposed to leave Kansas!”  It was then that I looked ahead and saw Christine Allsman give the hand signal for “we gotta turn around.”  I wish I could say that we were like synchronized swimmers and all gracefully made the turn around as one cohesive unit.  That would be lying.  It was more like kicking over an ant hill and seeing them all scatter in a dozen directions – well, in our case – eleven directions.  We were on a narrow little two lane road with absolutely no shoulder.  As I was sizing up how to go about getting myself turned around, I witnessed Colleen Williams making the “U” not quite tight enough and take that big ole Harley down into a ditch and back up again with feet a flyin’.  Note to self:  don’t do that.  As was bound to happen when you’re trying to maneuver a bike on a tight “U” turn in blustery, squall, gale force, tornado, microburst, hurricane conditions, a bike was dumped.  Owner of said dumped bike will remain anonymous, but thanks to Sue Morrissey and no thanks to the moron in the white pick-up truck who sat and watched these two women pick up a motorcycle by themselves, everyone was back on their way.

The AC at the Ranch House in Ashland was a welcomed relief and we filled up on some pretty darn good food.  The dessert was to die for, despite the fact that we (or maybe that was just me) insisted on seeing it before we (or maybe that was just me) would order.  Yep, they don’t call me High Maintenance Janice for nothing!

Following lunch, we snickered at the really bizarre ladies room (I don’t care how much I like you, we ain’t sharing), reapplied healthy doses of sunscreen and biked up for the 60-mile trip to Greensburg.  Come on girls!  We got places to GO!  The Big Well is awaitin’!  Everyone fired up their bikes, revved their engines and pulled out onto the main street.  Where’s Sue Morrissey?  I looked back over my shoulder and see what appeared to be Sue taking her bike seat off.  Uh oh.  This can’t be good.

Dead was the only word that can be used to describe Sue’s battery.  Jumping was the only way we were going anywhere.  Kari Miller rode down the street to a gas station to see if she could borrow some jumper cables.  I’m not sure what Kari paid, traded, gave away, or promised, but she came back with a man in a red pick-up who jumped at the chance to jump Sue.  Wait…that didn’t come out right.  Soon, we were on our way once again, getting more and more excited about the Big Well!  Oh, and not to give away the reason for the dead battery, but Sue’s new nickname is Lights Off Sue.  Just sayin’….

Once we turned onto Highway 54, the blustery, squall, gale force, tornado, microburst, hurricane conditions really came to play!  I was so concerned about being blown into Nebraska, I initially didn’t notice the extreme vibration on my bike.  Holy cow!  The Highway Department needs to come fix this damn road!  Then I noticed that Pauline Couch, who was riding in front of me, wasn’t bouncing all over the place like I was.  Crap!  That can only mean one thing.  I flipped on my blinker at the first opportunity and the sweep rider…you guessed it, Sue Morrissey, followed in behind me.  I don’t know much about bike mechanics (remember, I’m High Maintenance Janice), but even I knew this was one flat tire.  We tried putting air in it to see if I could limp from town to town, but as quick as I (or rather Sue – back to the High Maintenance Janice thing) put in the air, it came whooshing back out.

I was running scenarios through my head of what to do when a total stranger walked up and asked what the problem was.  We explained the situation and without hesitation, he said, “I gotta bike trailer.  I could take you home.”  Let’s be clear that “home” was Wichita and Wichita was 120 miles away.  He said no problem.  Sue immediately pulled me aside and said there’s only one reason a man would go out of his way to help a total stranger and you’re High Maintenance Janice – you won’t like it.

We compromised and agreed that I would crawl into the cab of this total stranger’s pick-up truck and Sue would ride behind us to make sure that Mr. Nice Guy didn’t get any Mr. Bad Guy ideas.  The rest of the Kitties had ridden on to Greensburg and were waiting patiently for instructions.  It was reported that tears of utter and complete despair were shed when they found out that the tour of the Big Well would have to wait for another day.  The rest of the group would all fall in behind the truck with Sue and escort me home.  It was further reported that Maureen Stout was nearly inconsolable when she found that I got to get in a truck with air conditioning and no wind issuesl  Sometimes life just isn’t fair, it is Maureen?

On Saturday, June 22, 2013, God put the right person in the right place at the right time.  His name was Randall Somerhalder.  The once total stranger had now become a road angel and friend.  We chatted about all sorts of things during our 120-mile journey and I felt like I knew all about him and he about me.  After dropping me off at my front door, we hugged and waved good-bye and he started off on his 120-mile return trip home.

Those on board for the Oh Well, No Well trip were Janice Friedman, Christine Allsman, Nellie Taylor, Dawn Morse, Colleen Williams, Maureen Stout, Kari Miller, Melaina Phares, Jean Taylor, Sue Morrissey and Pauline Couch.

 

 

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…

“We’re sorry, but your regularly scheduled ride has been interrupted by a special broadcast of Mother Nature.  Riding will resume..but not today.”

Such was the case of the May ride to the Tallgrass Prairie Museum and lunch at the Hays House in Council Grove.  Seeing that Kansas could potentially be blown into the Land of Oz, Christine Allsman came up with a back-up plan to at least have breakfast together at Stearman Airport in Benton.  However, as we watched the radar and checked with the Kitty’s Personal Weather Man, Kevin, on Saturday, Christine and I decided that we could probably squeeze in a short ride before the storms made their appearance in late afternoon.  Thus, the back-up plan to the back-up plan was initiated.

Sure, it was a quarter of the distance; there wasn’t the customary meet and greet at the departure location; and there wasn’t a single piece of pan-fried chicken in sight, but nine Kitties came out to play as we rode to and lunched at Playa Azul in Augusta.  (Side note: let it be known that Nellie Taylor who can sit on a bike and haul herself to Sturgis without blinking an eye, did not make the three-block ride to Playa Azul.  Apparently, unless you’re gonna log a minimum of 200 miles, it just ain’t worth firing up the ole Hog when you have a perfectly good car in the garage.  Be aware that she may offer some lame excuses about her bike being blocked by decking material and her husband being cranky and she didn’t want to ask him to move it, blah, blah, blah.  I don’t know who you think you’re fooling, Nellie, but we don’t believe a word of that cock and bull story!)

Even though our time together was short, there were plenty of laughs and information shared.  For instance…

Did you know…Colleen Williams is involved in a charitable organization called Project Change and they voted to honor our very own Kitty adopted charity, the YWCA Domestic Abuse Shelter, as one of their beneficiaries this year?  They initiated “Spare a Square” and began a quest to collect as much toilet paper as they possibly could to give to the Domestic Abuse Shelter.  At the end of the collection, they turned over an impressive 311 rolls!  Hey, everyone’s gotta poop, right?  Great job to Colleen and Project Change! 

Did you know…Joanne Brady will be saying good-bye to her Kitty Sisters next spring as she accepts a promotion and transfers to Denver?  This comes as bittersweet news as we will miss Joanne and her lively sense of humor, but our frowns were turned upside down when it dawned on us…VACATION DESTINATION!  Joanne eagerly invited each and every one of the Kitties to come for a visit and stay as long as we liked.  She will be happy to provide all room and board simply for the sweet, sweet joy of our company.  (OK, maybe Joanne didn’t say that, but I’m certain she meant to.)

Did you know…Denise Johnson is looking for a new bike?  She’s in the very beginning stages of doing her due diligence, but there were eight other Kitties around the table who were more than willing to offer our expert opinions.  That’s what we do, am I right?  Good luck, Denise!

Did you know…it’s risky to deposit twenty $100 bills into an ATM?  Some would have preferred the night deposit or handing the money directly to a teller, but then we wouldn’t have enjoyed the hi-lar-ious story of trying to shove a stack of $100 bills into an ATM, now would we Joanne Brady?

And of course, there were the new bikes to be debuted.  Maureen Stout and Joanne Brady…yep, thems was a couple of proud Kitties!  MEOW!

After all our buckets of pop were drained and every last chip was plucked from the baskets, we said our good-byes and biked up for the long, exhausting 27-mile journey home.  I’m extremely happy to say that every last one of us got safely tucked in our garages before all hell broke loose and Mother Nature threw a sh#t fit!  Some may call that dumb luck…some may call it two kick-ass Kitties who know how to plan the hell out of a ride!

Those on board the “May” Be Ride were Janice Friedman, Colleen Williams, Joanne Brady, Dawn Morse, Nellie Taylor, Melaina Phares, Christine Allsman, Maureen Stout, and Denise Johnson.

 

• 18 Kitties
• 2 Guest Riders
• 286 miles
• 6 counties (Sedgwick, Sumner, Kingman, Harper, Barber and Woods)
• 2 states (Kansas and Oklahoma)
• 2 campsites
• 9 hours
• Returning from an early April ride with a sunburn
• Priceless!

Saturday, April 6^th, started off cool, cloudy and Kansas-style windy, but hopes were high that the opening ride of Season 9 would get better with each passing mile.  As I pulled into the QuikTrip meetin’ spot, I was immediately accosted by Dana Branam who spanked me good for being a few minutes late.  Yes, I know I said to be here at 8:30 sharp, but at the last minute, I got a phone call that went a little like this, “Hi Janice, this is Ben the video producer, we’re in Wokanoka (that should have been my first clue that Ben was a little scatterbrained.)  Just wanted to make sure we’re still a go for today.”  I respond, “Yep, I’m heading out right now.”  To which he responds, “Where are we supposed meet?”  Really??  What I wanted to say was, “Please refer to the half dozen flipping emails I’ve sent you in the last week”, but being a kinder, gentler Kitty than Dana, I patiently repeated the details.  “Hold on a second, Janice, I need to get a pen and paper and write all this down.”  (This should have been my second clue that Ben was a little scatterbrained.)  After a long pause, Ben returned to the phone and s-l-o-w-l-y repeated everything I just said.  He then proceeded to tell me that he had a tire problem that cost $700 to fix; they’ve had equipment problems, etc. etc. etc.  I proceed to tell him, “Ben, I gotta go.”

(OK, maybe Dana wasn’t as mean as this sounds but it makes for a better story so I’m sticking to it.)

As I was holding the pre-meeting, I looked around saw nothing but black leather, black leather, black leather, screech!  There in the circle of black was a girl in capris and flip flops!  Holy Fur Balls!  The Krome Kitties might not have a helmet requirement, but we sure as heck expect more appropriate riding gear than that!  Turns out it was former Kitty, Sueanne Rugh, who drove up in her lime green Camaro/Charger/Mustang – one of those fast ridin’ cars – and after hearing about all the fun we were about to have, stuffed 30 bucks in my hand and said, “I’m on the way to work right now, but I’m coming back to the Kitties!”  Oh, thank God!  Thought there for a minute I was going to have to sic Safety Dana Branam on her for poor riding attire.

With a few less riders than initially planned, we split the group into two.  I led the first group; Dottie Schoemaker led the second and off we went with the acronym HAKA (Harper, Anthony, Kiowa, Alva) drummed into my ol’ noggin as a way of safeguarding against any “middle of the highway” turnarounds.  Trust me, nobody hates those more than me.

Video Ben got his notes right and met us in Alva, Oklahoma in what must be THE absolute worst gas station in northern Oklahoma.  By the way, who the hell picked that gas station anyway?  Oh right – it was me.  My bad.  Ben filmed us as we all filed into that tiny, cramped, sand-covered gas station which is precisely where I made my first bonehead move of the day.  Was there a second bonehead move of the day?  You betcha.  Conoco was the sign I was looking for and assumed it would be a great big white sign with huge red letters.  Looking…looking…looking.  Crap – there it is! At the very last second, I saw this teeny, tiny little sign that read Conoco buried underneath another sign so I quickly threw on my blinker while at the same time, make a “turn on a dime” right hand turn.  Correction…turned on a dime and right in front of Kim Janzen.  Probably for the first time ever, Kim got some much-needed practice utilizing her anti-lock brakes (you’re welcome!) and managed to stop before t-boning me.  Best part is, I was oblivious to the whole thing.  The worst part is, Ben got the whole thing on tape.  Dadnabit!

After some creative exiting out of the Conoco Sand Dunes, we got back on the highway headed towards Ben’s Wokanoka, while he and his assistant filmed us leaving town.  My instructions were to drive as slowly as possible and he would catch up and film us from the rear, side and front.  I did as I was told, but I never saw hide nor hair of Ben.  As a matter of fact, I never saw him again for the next 26 miles.  Apparently, the second group saw more of him so hopefully, he got some good footage of them.

All that aside, this last leg gave me plenty of time to applaud myself for getting the 18 Kitties and two guest riders all the way to Waynoka without one missed or wrong turn.  Back in the old days, Lori (Resnik) Gibbs would never let me lead because she said I couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag.  Well guess what?  This old Kitty not only found her way out of a paper bag, she found her way across state lines!  Feeling all smug with myself, I led us into Waynoka and that’s when the paper bag utterly and completely swallowed me up and I made the second bonehead move of the day.  For the life of me, I could NOT find the street we were supposed to turn onto to get to the designated campsite for parking and hooking up with Ben and the second group.  But, I kept on driving…right on out of town.  Thankfully, I did find another campsite sign sometime before we hit Texas.  What the hell – how about we give this a look see?  After circling the grounds (on ASPHALT thank you very much!), I headed back to town and we stopped for directions for the second time.  When talking to the store clerk about how to get to the Deuces Wild Campground, she said just take the next right hand turn which is Ash St.  Already knowing it was on Ash St., I commented that I never saw a street sign with said name.  “Yeah, there isn’t one.”  Perfect.  Just perfect.

The trip from Hell that we had been on was about to get a whole lot hotter when we entered the Deuces Wild Campground.  Unlike the previous one, this wasn’t all nice and pavey.  No siree.  This was all sand, dirt and a whole lotta rock!  With teeth gritted and hands clenched on our grips, we slid and bumped through the campground until finally, Sue Morrissey from Group 2 waved us into an even rockier campsite.  All I could do when I turned off my bike was let out a stream of curse words.  Sorry Kitties and onlookers – Queen Kitty Janice has got herself a potty mouth.

The cool and cloudy morning had given way to a very warm and sunny afternoon so layers needed to be shed.  With the assistance of quick change artists, Nellie Taylor, Dana Branam and Kathryn Langrehr, Maureen Stout and I shocked and awed everyone in the area with our own version of a strip tease.  Sure, there wasn’t a pole in sight, sure there wasn’t one single dollar bill thrown our way, but I know for a fact that there were two dudes in a dune buggy that wasn’t hatin’ it!  Did you get THAT on video Ben??

Suffice it to say that Ben’s company, White Trash Productions, certainly lived up to its name.  Nellie Taylor and I were the first ones to be summoned into the RV for private interviews and after several attempts, Ben never could get his recorder to work.  No kidding, I thought for sure at any moment Ashton Cutcher was going to walk in and declare, “You’ve been punk’d!”  The difference being that Ashton’s show is funny.  This..not so much.  Knowing the Kitties were hot, hungry and growing impatient, Ben conceded defeat and we were released to make the walk into town.  By the way, I don’t know who told Ben that it was four blocks into town, but their sense of distance is about as good as my sense of direction!  OMG!!  I would have paid good stripper tip money to hitch a ride on a dune buggy…had there actually BEEN any stripper tip money.

The Kitties splintered into small groups with a little bit of the afternoon left to explore the merch vendors, food trailers and of course, the snakes!  After inhaling a lunch of pulled port parfait, hot links and Moink Balls (anyone know what a Moink Ball is?), several of us plunked down our $5.00 to walk into the Den of Death Snake Pit.  Throwing all caution to the wind, I told the cute Mr. Snakehandler Man to give me the biggest, meanest, angriest rattler he had in the pit and wrap that sucker around my neck.  I ain’t scared of no stinkin’ rattler!  Nellie Taylor, who has a keen dislike for snakes, claims she actually did put a rattler around her neck, but no one actually witnessed it so her story cannot be validated.

After doing a little t-shirt shopping to commemorate our day, we made the long trek back to the campsite, but not before using the hottest outhouse ever (rumor has it that Kim Janzen peed through her long underwear because she couldn’t slide them over her sweaty legs.  Again, said story was not witnessed so it cannot be validated.)

We all said a silent prayer that we would make it out of this rock quarry with both wheels on the ground and pointed our noses north.  I just want to go on record by saying the fact that not one Kitty dropped her bike on this trip is a testament to what great riders we are…or how mighty the power of prayer is.  I prefer to thinks it’s a little of both.

Such was the first ride of the 9^th season.  It was a picture-perfect spring day with one of the biggest turnouts in Kitty history.  If there was a mishap, I don’t remember it.  All I recall was seeing a truly great bunch of women enjoying themselves and making a whole lotta memories.

Those on board for the Rocks and Rattlers trip were Janice Friedman, Susan Barber, Nellie Taylor, Sandy Barber, Kelly Green, Cindy Kotschegarow, Maureen Stout, Jean Taylor, Christine Allsman, Kim Janzen, Libby Beckman, LaVonna Deffenbaugh, Linda Moreland, Dottie Schoemaker, Sue Morrissey, Dana Branam, Christina Brown and Kathryn Langrehr.

 

 

 

 

Three words.

Soggy, Stressful and Small

That’s how I would describe the 2011 Tom Kat Ride.

As early as Friday, it became crystal clear that an early morning ride to Stillwater, OK was not going to be possible.  So I launched Plan B which called for a later departure time to Sun City for lunch at Buster’s Saloon.  The weather forecast said that rain was likely in the early morning, but it would clear off by late morning.  Knowing that I would be fired if I lied at MY job, I took the weather dude at his word and felt confident that we all would be on a nice ride to Sun City by mid to late Saturday morning.

I woke up to the predicted rain and immediately hopped on the IPad to check out the forecast (that’s right Kitties, the Friedman’s got us some inner’net now!) Forecast said that by 10:30ish the rain will have moved out of the area.  OK, it’s all good – stick with plan – don’t panic – this is Kansas for God’s sake, it could clear up in 30 minutes.  Well, it didn’t.  As the announced departure time got closer and closer, I could see that we were going to need a little more time, so that’s when I started making the first round of phone calls.  By now I’m really stressed….will I get hold of everyone in time, will the new departure time be too late for a lunch ride, will Joanne Brady forgive me for calling her in the middle of a hair color job only to find out I had the wrong Joanne;  will the rain ever stop?  By now, people were dropping from the ride like fleas from kitty fur and when it was all said and done, we only had four kitties who were staying the course.

By the time I finished making phone calls, the rain had stopped and I stepped outside to lick my wounds.   “Damn, it’s cold out here!” was the thought that went through my head and I walked back inside struggling with – do we do a long ride or short ride, long ride or short ride, long ride or short ride?  The conversation that I had with Greg went a little like this, “Tell me what to do Greg?”  “I think we should still try to ride to Sun City.”  “Do you know how cold it is out there?  No one wants to ride for 2 hours in the cold.”  “Then do what you want to do.”  “Stop talking to me, can’t you see I’m stressed???”  (Yes I know,  Gene Morse, you are lucky to be married to Dawn and not me, blah, blah, blah.)  I quickly decided that 57 degrees and heavy overcast was too cold and decided to pull the plug on Plan B and went on to Plan C and I quickly called the four Kitties to catch them before they left for the Sun City departure location.

In dry conditions and warmer weather than expected, Kitties and Toms Janice and Greg Friedman, Nellie and JT Taylor, Dawn and Gene Morse, Traci Earls, Maureen Stout, and invited guests, Jason and Rahmie Reed and Dave Spencer met at the Stearman Airport in Benton for burgers, belly laughs and horses.  Some of the highlights were:

1.       Traci Earls pimping the Krome Kitties to a traveler at the gas station – way to recruit Traci!

2.       Maureen Stout arriving at the meeting location in what can only be described as a NASA helmet, complete with red blinking light, AC, hi-fi stereo, television screen, and a pole to prop her head up under the hefty weight.   Jason Reed dubbed it the BC helmet, which stood for “that’s instant Birth Control girl!”  Seriously Maureen, I’m thrilled to see you wearing a helmet and don’t let Greg’s ridicule persuade you to look cool or anything.  You can’t be safe AND pretty!

3.       Three horses and three VERY HOT cowboys riding up the tarmac for lunch.  Where else but in Kansas would you see a sight like that?  I wanted to get a picture taken with them good lookin’ cowboys in the worst way, but in honor of the Toms who were present, I restrained myself from flirting this one day.

4.       Nellie Taylor, who was suffering from a sore throat and sinus headache, said I can sleep when I get home, and came out to play.

5.       Maureen Stout, Dawn Morse, and Traci Earls, who while I was a having a nervous breakdown, said, “Hey no worries, whatever you want to do is fine and I’ll be there.”  Thank you!

That’s how the 2011 Tom Kat Ride went.  Started out soggy and stressful and ended up small in number and distance.  But what I learned from this was, it doesn’t matter where you go and how far you ride, it’s the people you share a meal with that makes the memory.   Well, that and hot cowboys….

 

 

The original plan was to ride to Latham for our “L” ride with Melaina Phares and Christine Allsman at the helm.  Unfortunately, they chose the hottest day of the new millennium to do their test ride.  That historical day was Sunday, July 10th, and the thermostat topped out at 111 and broke all kinds of weather records.  Little did they know when they headed east on Highway 400 that the intense heat was just one of the reasons that made them question their sanity for riding and not driving.   Things like multiple turnarounds; riding for miles on a gravel road before finding a farmer with out of control barking dogs who steered them in the right direction; helping a convenience store clerk chase a bird out of the store; and the best MIS-adventure of all…..Melaina watching in slow motion as hot sticky Coca Cola was sprayed all over her bike, helmet, and facemask by none other than her “supposed” good friend, Christine!  Seriously, it sounded like the only good thing about that test ride was the Bourbon Slushies that were consumed the Friday before at the planning meeting….which, by the way, raise your hand if you were invited to participate in said consumption of Bourbon Slushies.    Yeah, that’s what I thought. So, that was the original plan, but as Saturday got closer and closer, Melaina, Christine and I started discussing an alternate destination that ideally would get us home earlier in the day and out of the heat. We settled on Lindsborg, a mere 71 miles from  Wichita.  Let me just say that that mere 71 miles felt more like 710 miles of riding through the infernos of hell on the way home, but more on that later….. Eight Kitties were on board for this trip – Janice Friedman, Melaina Phares, Christine Allsman, Libby Beckman, Dawn Morse, Maureen Stout, Nellie Taylor and Sandy White.  Dawn and I were the first to arrive at the Quik Trip meeting location and found this lovely little patch of shade to wait for the others to arrive.  But wait, there’s already a biker dude there.  I looked at Dawn, shrugged my shoulders and said, Girls Rule Boys Drool, and proceeded to join him in his little slice of shade.  In my most charming voice, I told him we decided to share his shade with him.  He rebuffed my charm with a very unfriendly, unbiker-like smirk, started up his bike and drove off…..a whole 20 feet away to another little slice of shade.   Just as I was thinking…wow…I’ve really lost my touch with men, about a dozen fellow bikers starting pouring in the parking lot – all crowding into his smaller bit of shade than what we took from him.  OK, our bad for stealing your shade from you, but geez, just say something and we would have moved……maybe. Libby Beckman volunteered to be the lead rider and we fell in behind her at 9:10 a.m. sharp for the 71 mile trip to Lindsborg on north Highway 81 all the way.  The trip was uneventful and actually very comfortable, which is not a word I’ve used in reference to the great outdoors in weeks. We arrived at 10:30 and decided it might be a little early for lunch so we enjoyed the AC in a little Swedish gift shop and of course, took the obligatory picture on a big red Dala Horse as Sandy exclaimed with excitement, “So THAT’S what a Dala horse is!!!”  We then moseyed on down the road  in search of an eatin’ spot when out of nowhere, a mysterious gravitational pull drug Melaina, Nellie and Christine into a wine and art gallery.  I’m sure I heard Nellie scream with delight when she found out they provided free samples and while the three sinners partook in the free devil juice, the rest of us enjoyed more AC, admired some very expensive art and listened in amazement as Maureen told us that after her cable TV broke 3 years ago, she hasn’t had any television service.  OK, that might be the most remarkable thing I heard on the entire trip.  Oh wait, the most remarkable thing might be that the Friedmans don’t have internet service in their house. We finally drug the winos out of the wine gallery and decided to eat at the Ol Stuga (which translates into Ale House in Swedish).  After a lively hour or so of Kitty chat and good food, we decided we better get on the road before it got too hot.  We soon discovered that ship had sailed and it was already too hot.  When we walked back to our bikes, we found a little miniature Krome Kitty admiring our bikes while riding her own little pink Hog.  She posed for a picture with our bikes and then hightailed it into the house because “I know it’s gonna get loud now.” Libby led us back on Highway 135 for the quick trip home and I don’t know about the other ladies on the trip, but that 71 miles seemed like the longest in my life.  Here are the lessons I learned: 1.    If your body is screaming STOP AND GET SOME WATER….I NEED TO DRINK…..I’M OVER HEATING……I’M FEELING SICK TO MY STOMACH… then for God sakes…. STOP! 2.    When it’s a 100 degrees outside and the weatherman has announced Excessive Heat Warning, he ain’t kidding and plan some indoor activity.  For me, it might be watching TV.  For Maureen, it’s well…..what the hell do you do??? 3.    When I get home and I’m literally crawling in the door and gasping for water and my husband says, “Does this mean we’re not riding tomorrow?”count to ten before throwing your heavy Harley boot at his family jewels.  He can’t help it that he’s an idiot. All that aside, it was another wonderful day spent with good friends, enjoying some lively and sometimes shocking conversation and visiting with the folks of another lovely Kansas town.

Here’s what we knew: 1.    Dottie Schoemaker was to pick the “K” town and route for the Sunday, June 26th ride. 2.    The trip would be approximately 75 miles one way. 3.    The meeting location was Derby, KS. 4.    Swimming was part of our day so everyone except Kim Janzen, bring a swimsuit.  Per Kim’s request, she was given special permission for clothing optional sunbathing. 5.    Food would be provided. How?  Who?  What?  Where?  These were all questions that went through my obsessive compulsive mind in the days leading up to the ride.  Things like….do I wear my swimsuit or do I bring my swimsuit?  Should I bring bug spray or sunscreen?  Are we swimming before we eat or after we eat (oh come on…don’t tell me you’ve never worried about how you look in a swimsuit after a big lunch!!)…these were the thoughts keeping me awake the night before the ride.  After convincing myself to let it go and just enjoy, I biked up at 8:30 for a hook up with the other Kitties at 9:00 in Derby. Thirteen Kitties (Dottie Schoemaker, Tena Stoppel, Christine Allsman, Libby Beckman, Joyce Dancosse, Janice Friedman, Kim Janzen, Kathryn Langrehr, Sue Morrissey, Melaina Phares, Maureen Stout, Jean Taylor, and Nellie Taylor) were on board for this mystery ride.  As we were standing around having coffee, donuts and ice cream bars (caught ya Kim!), Dottie mentioned that our first and only gas and potty stop would be in El Dorado.  El Dorado????  Excuse me, Ms. Rand McNally, but did you know that El Dorado is way north of Derby?  I thought we were heading south?  Dottie replied with a “maybe we are and maybe we’re not” and for the 2nd time, I reminded myself to let it go and just enjoy.  After directing lost Kitties, Tena, Christine and Melaina to the right Quik Trip and giving Bernie Beckman a kiss good-bye, we biked up and headed north.  Or so I thought…. Before I knew it, we were headed east on 47st St. toward Thunder Road.  Everyone knows I’m no direction genius (please keep your comments to yourself), but even I knew that Thunder Road would dump us in Augusta.  What the hell is going on??  After watching Tena give a stupid driver in a stupid blue pick-up the snake eye for nearly broad siding Dottie, we made our way in and out of Augusta on roads I’d never been on before and for the 3rd time, I reminded myself to let it go and just enjoy. After too many left turns and right turns to even count, we sure enough found our way to El Dorado.  We’ve all been to El Dorado, but I bet you’ve never seen up close and personal the pot-holed, gravel circle, down a hill, next to a park just barely big enough for 13 bikers to make a U-turn.  Well, we have and we survived it.  As promised, we made a potty stop and Nellie and I got to know one of El Dorado’s finest, who was riding a Harley police motorcycle.  Boy, he sure had an interesting international story!  We soon biked up and left the fine city of El Dorado for parts truly unknown. Along the back roads that we travelled, we never saw a single car.  What we did see were lots of cows, horses, an ass (no silly, not Maureen) and a couple of goats.  Still didn’t have a clue where we were going or even where we were, but what a peaceful, leisurely ride.  I was in my Zen place when all of a sudden I started seeing street signs that read, “Woodlawn” and “Oliver” and so forth, and my Zen evaporated.  Where the hell are we??? Tena said she knew as soon as she started seeing the familiar street signs.  I didn’t know until I said the “Welcome to….” sign, but there we were in our own neighbor’s backyard…..KECHI, KANSAS!  Yep, it took 13 Kitties 75 miles and 2 hours to ride to Kechi, Kansas!  Brilliant!  We hopped off our bikes (after I executed another fabulous parking maneuver) and flagged down a Kechi-ite to take some pictures to prove we made it to a “K” town.  We then patted Dottie on the back for a job well done in turning a 10 minute ride into a 2 hour ride and asked, “But where are we swimming?  Are we swimming in that there pond over yonder?”  That’s when the real “K” surprise revealed itself.  Kathryn Langrehr was hosting a lunch and pool party at her house just a short 3 miles away! Kathryn.  Wow.  How can we ever thank you for opening your home and pool to 12 hot and hungry Kitties?  Your home is gorgeous (seriously, the most unique coffee table I’ve ever seen), the pool is fabulous and Pool Boy a/k/a son-in-law, Bruce, standing in the gawd-awful heat grilling burgers for us….well, he sure must love you a whole lot.  Wait a minute…..what am I thinking?  Thirteen ladies in skimpy swimsuits and Bruce is the only man around?  He probably begged for this opportunity!  Your daughter, Sarah…such a lovely gal and how kind of her to share Pool Boy Bruce with us.  For this leg of the trip, I didn’t have to remind myself once to let it go and just enjoy – it all came very naturally.  The afternoon was so relaxing and refreshing – it truly could not have been nicer. Kudos to Kathryn and Dottie for a fun, mysterious, and surprising trip.  It was a great Kitty day for sure.